Hi all,
I am happy to write this after a short break. Wherever & whenever this finds you, I hope you are doing well. Today I will talk about when being very humble can backfire for you. I thought it was an interesting idea when I first read this article.
Around us we often see high-status people being very humble or doing activities that are NOT considered “high-status” (wearing cheap clothes for example). And usually, that is celebrated a lot. Counterintuitively, when these people do these activities, it increases their status even more. And as humans generally do, we try to imitate that behavior, subconsciously or consciously, to increase our own status.
Human imitation of other humans with higher social status starts at a young age. For example in the book Cognitive Gadgets, by Oxford psychologist Cecilia Hayes, she writes, “Children show prestige bias; they are more likely to copy a model that adults regard as being higher social status- for example, their head-teacher rather than an equally familiar person of the same age and gender.” Adults aren’t that different. But does showing humility all the time help those who aren’t high status already? Turns out it doesn’t & it can actually be bad for you. Copying high-status people in many cases can backfire tremendously.
Generally being humble makes you more likable but it might make you seem less competent. People don’t like others who brag. Intuitively, research shows people don’t like people who humblebrag either, a boast masked by a complaint (“I’m so tired of being the only person the boss trusts”) or by humility (“I can’t believe I got this award!”). People who humblebrag are considered not only less likable but also less competent than people who are more straightforward unless they are already successful. However, research also shows that not sharing your success can make you seem less competent, and less likable, and hamper your personal and professional relationships. So, what do you do? How can you balance being humble & also sharing your accomplishments such that you are likable & also deemed competent? Here are some ways:
Share your accomplishments openly when asked. The HBR article on Savvy Promotion puts it well, “Humility is admirable. But if someone requests information or an answer that requires you to reveal positives about yourself, you should oblige.”
Research shows that if you are asked to share positives about yourself, holding back can raise suspicion & other negative consequences. So, in performance reviews, interviews, or project showcases, don’t hold back.
But don’t also try to manipulate people into asking you about your accomplishments, that can backfire. We all know that person who asks you about your summer internship just so that you can ask them & they can brag.
It’s fine to share your accomplishments when others are sharing. Don’t reject the platform when it’s given to you.
It’s good to find promoters or advocates of your work. That benefits you more than self-promotion. That’s why user testimonials for your product or a manager that publicly sings your praises, can help a lot.
If you are revealing success, revealing some failures can make you more likable by making you less maliciously enviable.
Professionally, following the promotion behavior of highly successful people can often backfire but following the behavior of people who are starting to become successful can benefit you more.
For example, it’s fine if NYT best-sellers or top YouTubers don’t promote their work as much anymore, but an upcoming artist can barely grow without strong promotion. I hope this was helpful. Zuckerberg can wear T-shirts to high-profile meetings, but you might be seen as callous & not professional.
Be humble, but in moderation,
Seeam
Here is the HBR article I referred to on Savvy Self-Promotion.
